Women represent an increasing proportion of the US military population (15.1% of active duty personnel and 18.8% of Reserve and Guard personnel; Department of Defense 2014) and have served on the front lines throughout the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Over half of more than two million American troops that have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001 have been deployed more than once (Institute of Medicine 2013). Approximately 40% of servicewomen have children, and thus as servicewomen have cycled through deployments, many have endured the stress of long separations from their children (Gewirtz et al. 2014; Mulhall 2009). Deployment-related separation is difficult for any deployed parent but may pose distinct challenges for military moms, who tend to be younger and from a lower economic status than their male counterparts and more likely to be primary caregivers and single parents (Boyd et al. 2013; DeVoe and Ross 2012; Mulhall 2009).

Beginning in 1948 with the Armed Services Integration Act in which women were limited to peacetime service, to the present day in which all combat roles are open to women in the military, the presence of women service members has greatly expanded. While women service members have generally tended to serve in administrative and medical positions (Boyd et al. 2013), an increasing number of women soldiers are serving in combat positions (Berz et al. 2008; Street et al. 2009). In 2012, the Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Martin Dempsey amended the Direct Ground Combat Definition and Assignment Rule, allowing women to serve in military roles previously closed to them. Until 1976, servicewomen were automatically discharged from the military upon becoming pregnant (Vuic 2010). In 2016, Secretary of Defense Ash Carter announced a plan to make the US military more family friendly, including doubling paid maternity leave to 12 weeks, extending daycare hours on military installations, and increasing support for breastfeeding. The increasing number of women service members and veterans has led researchers to consider how occupational stressors, job demands, financial strain, and the length and timing of deployment cycles influence women’s health outcomes (Pierce et al. 2011). On the whole, however, women service members and veterans remain an understudied population (National Center for Veterans Analysis and Statistics 2014).

Academic scholarship is paying increasing attention to military families, but most research addressing family impacts of deployment has focused on paternal, rather than maternal, deployment. Little is known regarding the short-term and long-term impact of service in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan on mothers who deploy and their families (Agazio et al. 2013; Pierce et al. 2011). This chapter will examine mothering across the “deployment cycle,” considering what is known about mothering in the pre-deployment period (from receiving orders to deploy through departure), during deployment, and post-deployment as mothers and their families are reunited and readjusted.

During the pre-deployment period, service members and their families prepare for the changes ahead. It is typical to have several months’ notice prior to departure, but this is not always the case, and shorter notice may cause increased stress, as time for preparation is limited. This is a stressful time, as service members and their families anticipate and grieve their impending separation. This period is especially stressful for military moms, who must work to ensure the needs of their families will be met while they are gone, even as they grieve for all they will miss while separated. Reporting results of focus groups with mothers of young children who had deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, Walsh (2017) described mothers’ awareness that the burden on family and household functioning is greater when the parent who is more typically the primary caregiver leaves for deployment.

Most [fathers] aren’t in that situation [of being primary caregiver], so when they leave they’re leaving the home and the family in the extra care of the person that’s already doing it… Whereas I was a mom, right. …I work full-time so I’m used to being out of the house a lot, but that sort of doesn’t seem to matter, I’m still the mom. So for me to be just gone, like how do you manage.

Mothers described using the period of time available between receiving orders to deploy and deploying to put as many plans as possible in place for their families and the stress of recognizing that they could not possibly plan for every contingency and that, during deployment, they would not be able to support their children day to day in the ways that they were accustomed to (Walsh 2017). They described the pain of preparing their children as well as themselves for physical separation, trying to figure out how to sustain emotional connections across distance, and confronting their own and their children’s fear that they might not return. Deploying mothers and their family members may feel “on edge” during this time and may begin to withdraw physically or emotionally in anticipation of separation (Agazio et al. 2013).

The challenge of planning and preparing for deployment is particularly acute for single mothers and mothers of very young children. Upward of 30,000 single mothers have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan (Mulhall 2009), while the largest percentage of the nearly two million children in US military families is between birth and 5 years of age (37.4%; Department of Defense 2014). Little is yet known about the impact of deployment on parenting and parent-child relationships in military families with very young children (Lieberman and Van Horn 2013) or in single-mother families. During the pre-deployment period, single mothers make care plans for their child(ren) in their absence. Deploying mothers of very young children often have to work out extensive childcare arrangements, may need to abruptly terminate breastfeeding, and may grieve for the developmental milestones they will miss while they are away and struggle with how to support a child who, by virtue of age, cannot directly communicate their needs surrounding deployment.

Based on their review of the literature, Segal et al. (2016) report that childcare and family welfare pose the greatest challenges for families across the deployment cycle, especially dual-military and single-parent families. Single mothers tend to experience higher levels of anxiety and stress about childcare arrangements and family welfare than married women who rely on their husbands during deployment (Segal et al. 2016). While there are military programs to aid military women with behavioral health, unit support, and operational deployment deferment policies, the stigma and lack of confidentiality associated with seeking such services tend to deter military women from seeking such services (Segal et al. 2016).

Many mothers turn to informal sources of support, including family and friends. A strong support network facilitates individual and family well-being across the transitions demanded by deployment, while the absence of support incurs difficulty and distress. The need for support begins immediately, as mothers must simultaneously make preparations on the home front and take part in deployment preparations with their unit. Pre-deployment training itself may require extended time away from home.

Beginning in the pre-deployment period and extending across the deployment cycle, military moms report experiencing stigma, manifest in the form of comments and questions from acquaintances, friends, colleagues, and even helping professionals, such as “I could never leave my child like that” or “how can you bear to be away for so long?” (Agazio et al. 2013; Walsh 2017). These types of statements communicate judgment and disapproval and exacerbate distress at a time when mothers are in need of support. Military moms recognize a double standard in how they are treated, as compared to their male counterparts, and this injustice, particularly when imparted by those to whom mothers have turned for support, may be experienced as aggravating as well as hurtful.

Asking for and accepting offers of help are essential elements of the pre-deployment period, as military moms come to terms with the reality that they will not be able to fill the role they previously filled in the life of their family. For some, relinquishing control is difficult (Agazio et al. 2013; Walsh 2017). Identifying caring and reliable people to fill in where needed and ensure children’s needs are met is a primary concern prior to deployment, and moms describe feeling more ready for deployment when they are assured that there are those who will “step up and help out” while they are away (Agazio et al. 2013, p. 256).

During the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, combat tours have been longer and more frequent than in previous wars. Typical length of deployment and post-birth deferment policy range across branches of service, with the army having the longest tours of duty (12 months) and granting 4 months’ stay to new mothers (Mulhall 2009). When deployment occurs as early as 4 months post birth, women have little time to bond with and breastfeed their babies before being separated. Reflective of the challenges of balancing work and motherhood in a military context, Department of Defense surveys have found that servicewomen frequently identify “the amount of time separated from family” as the primary reason for leaving the military prior to retirement (Mulhall 2009). The “Forces of the Future” plan introduced by Secretary of Defense Carter in 2016 to enhance work-life balance in the military was motivated at least in part by difficulty recruiting and retaining military women who are or hope to become mothers.

Immediately after deploying, mothers may grapple with feelings of sadness and guilt regarding separation from their family. At the same time, they may experience relief that the difficult and tense period of preparing to deploy has passed, or relief that in the context of deployment, their usual need to continuously juggle the competing demands of work and home is replaced by an opportunity for mission-driven focus (Agazio et al. 2013; Walsh 2017). Typically, after the first month of deployment is complete, the emotional disorganization experienced initially is replaced by a sense of stability as the deployed mother (and her family at home) adjusts to separation.

Regular communication with children at home is central to mothers’ own feelings of stability, and efforts create stability for their children (Agazio et al. 2013; Walsh 2017). Strategies to maintain as much contact as possible include calling home via Skype or FaceTime, recording videos for their children, and exchanging messages, photos, and videos by email. Efforts to stay connected can be disappointing, frustrating, or even upsetting when children are not able or willing to engage, when eagerly anticipated calls or emails are disrupted or fail to occur, or when a mother learns of difficulties at home and is unable to intervene from a distance (Walsh 2017). These are particular challenges for mothers of very young children, who must rely on other adults to facilitate contact with their children. Despite these risks, deployed mothers generally seek and deeply value opportunities to maintain contact as continuously as possible with their children and recognize this contact as smoothing their own and their children’s experiences of both deployment and reintegration. As one military mom described to Walsh (2017):

I had Wi-Fi in my room and I could Skype my son almost every day. To just be able to see him every day and to know that he still knew who I was; and when the phone rang even before the connection, you know would work and he could see my face he’d say, mommy, every time the phone rang. So just knowing that your child hasn’t forgotten who you are and having the technology to do the FaceTime and the, you know the constant contact, that was huge for me.

Both family- and deployment-related experiences, including family adjustment and combat exposure, vary widely among military moms, as do responses to those experiences. Consistent with the manifold challenges experienced across the deployment cycle, service members (and other family members) are at risk for increased distress and emotional symptoms, both during and after deployment. Deployed mothers face some heightened risks as compared to their male counterparts. “…family separations are stressful and a perceived loss or decrease in intimate relationships is associated with an increased risk of PTSD in women, but not in men” (Boyd et al. 2013, p. 16). Deployed women are three times more likely than male service members to get divorced (Boyd et al. 2013). Under 1% of male and almost 15% of female veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan seeking care at the VA screen positive for military sexual trauma (MST), a term the VA uses to encompass sexual harassment and assault (Mulhall 2009). Stressors such as these compound the normative challenges of combat deployment and family separation.

During deployment, mothers may experience a wide range of emotions, from closeness to their unit, excitement about and pride in their work, to worry about the well-being of their families at home, sadness and guilt stemming from keen awareness of the time and milestones with their children and partners that they are missing. Children too may experience a wide range of emotions and experience psychological and physiological stress across the deployment cycle (Creech et al. 2014; DeVoe and Ross 2012). Deployed mothers may feel powerless to help their children to adjust to their absence and in general receive less social support than their male peers (Gewirtz et al. 2014; Tsai et al. 2014; Wang et al. 2015). The availability of social support, and assurance that children are being well cared for, allows mothers to feel secure. Mothers receive such support and assurance to varying degrees during deployment, yet many military moms exhibit exceptional resilience and coping skills in the face of multiple and diverse challenges associated with deployment.