“…oh, is that why he does that, I never would have guessed…”
“…how can she not know that I love her, I am here…”
“…we have been married for 50 years and we never had a conversation like this…”
“…if I would have known how to talk like this I might still be married…”
“…enough of him sharing his feelings, I want my man back…I have feelings too.”
Table 2
Women and men solving problem together
What you can do as a partner that is helpful for the woman in your life: |
|---|
Reflect before reacting to your partner |
Communicate with each other in a way that you will be proud of in the future |
Actively encourage the sharing of emotional concerns and fears |
Be open to help the woman with her physical post surgery care |
Listen to concerns without trying to “fix” or minimize them |
Be a good listener by listening twice as much as you speak |
Only give reassurances that are firmly based in reality (for e.g. “You can count on me”) |
Be physically present at all medical appointments even when not asked |
Learn about the illness and treatments |
Help the woman get through the information she needs to read |
Take notes and ask questions at medical appointments |
Help the woman get things done when the woman can not |
Respect and support the woman’s right to make her own decisions |
Remember that the woman is still a capable individual |
Help the woman share information to others she wants to keep informed |
Advocate for the woman if needed (whether with health care providers or other family members) |
Offer advice only when specifically requested |
Be open to listening to the woman expressing her concerns as long as she needs to |
What you can do as a woman to get the best out of your partner or family member: |
Reflect before reacting to your partner |
Be honest and direct about how you feel, especially about your fears |
Avoid testing-be specific about what you want from others |
Stay in the present-no past hurts or conflicts |
No mind-reading-if confused about the behavior of your partner, ask about their motivation |
Avoid proving points-focusing on who is right means that you both lose |
Tell your partner when you need for them to just listen or when you are seeking advice |
Respect that you and your partner might cope with things differently |
Access support from peers and/or professionals when needed |
Accept help |
Table 3
Clinical implications of gender-specific interventions
Creating therapeutic environments where women and men can more fully appreciate the others individual natural inclinations while celebrating their unique contributions unrestrained by sex or gender |
Transcending gender roles can have multiple benefits |
Some sex differences become manifest in extreme circumstances only or at certain time (s) only |
Identifying, supporting and building on the foundation of natural inclinations of both sexes |
Expanding men’s skill repertoire to include those used by women |
Expanding women’s skill repertoire to include those used by men |
Benefitting from the inherent synergies of men and women working together |
8 Summary and Future Directions
In this chapter we have attempted to communicate the imperative for and importance of understanding people under stress within the context of sex and gender. Gender-specific medicine is a very young movement for scientific study but one that has great potential to maximize adaptation and mutual respect at a time when men and women are redefining themselves and adapting to new social realities and challenges. Fortunately, women and men have been adapting to serious challenges since the beginning of time–together. Most significantly, men and women have insured to survival of the species by co-evolving. For the first time, women and men can be aware of what was a set of complex unconscious processes to one that is now conscious and intentional and this can lead to an acceleration of creative adaptations and emotional growth.
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