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Children and young people want professionals to listen to them and to talk to them; above all, they want to be recognized as important to the parent they live with.
Barnardos Action with Young Carers (AWYC) is located in Liverpool and supports young caregivers who reside in that city. Barnardos is a children’s charity that has services and projects across the UK and internationally. All of the statements reported in this chapter are from Liverpool young people. In November 1999 a small group of young people involved with Barnardos AWYC were invited to take part in a conference launching the report Keeping the Family in Mind (Göpfert et al., 1999). This project, like other AWYC projects, provides a service for children and young people who live with someone with a mental health problem, and many of whom take on caring roles and responsibilities. All of the young people who participated care for a parent with mental ill health and receive support from staff at the AWYC project. We know from research and consultations with children and young people that they value being listened to and drawing upon their own experiences.They have some very important messages for professionals and policymakers.
Introduce yourself – tell us who you are and what your job is
Young people report that they are often ignored by professionals. They are not given information about what is going on in the family, who the professionals are, and why they are visiting. The way in which professionals deliver their service to a family can have a direct effect on other family members.
Have you any idea what it feels like for a complete stranger to come into your home, ignore you and then blame you for your home situation?
Sometimes I remember coming home from school and walking into our living room to find someone I didn’t know sticking a needle into my mum. They never introduced themselves but just continued to do what they were doing.
Tell us what is going to happen next
Young people do not always know where to go for services, how to get information, or how they can be included in decision-making. They are unfamiliar with how agencies work, and professionals need to take time to explain what is happening or the process and procedure required to make things happen. This helps allay anxieties and gives recognition of the young person’s role within the family.
Give us as much information as you can
Children and young people want to understand and make sense of their parents’ ill health. First, it is important that the information given is age appropriate. Second, this can be written or given verbally by professionals who have some knowledge and understanding and are able to answer young people’s questions.
I feel if I had had more information about my mum’s illness at the time, it wouldn’t have been so difficult for me. I might have been able to understand why she cried so much and why she said and did such strange things. I might not have worried so much that I would become like her.
Talk to us and listen to us – remember it is not hard to speak to us – we are not aliens!
Children and young people want to understand and be part of decisions made about their family. They want to be respected, included, and acknowledged. Article 12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that children have a right to be listened to and have their views taken into account on matters that affect them.
I remember calling my mum’s social worker and asking her to come to see my mum because she had started to become slightly manic. She came three hours later and by that time my mum’s mood had changed again and she was calm. My mum’s social worker came in and sat down. She didn’t ask me what had gone on, she just asked my mum how she felt and my mum said ‘fine.’ By 3 a.m. the next morning the police and ambulance had been called by neighbours. My mum was taken to hospital and put on a 6-month section [a compulsory order].
Related posts:
Thinking about children of parents with mental illnesses as a form of intergenerational dialog and practice
Mothers with eating disorders and their children
Enhancing depressed mothers’ sensitivity
E-learning professional development resources for families where a parent has a mental illness
Preventing unnecessary loss of child custody
Parental psychiatric disorder: translating The Family Model into practice change
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